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Why do Women Play Hard to Get?

You aren’t getting in until her defenses go down. You aren’t getting in until her defenses go down.

Nothing drives a guy crazier than a girl who plays hard to get. It’s frustrating, annoying, and exhausting. A woman who plays hard to get is unpredictable and hard to read, making it difficult for the guy to determine if she’s playing him or simply not interested. Most men admit that they themselves have played hard to get, but they don’t like it when the tables are turned. In the dating game, is it fair for both sexes to be active players?


Women play hard to get for several common reasons, with a few irrational man-hating ones thrown in the mix. While men generally play hard to get to make themselves more desirable to women (by the way, we hate this just as much as you do), women sometimes have more surprising reasons.


Yep, fear is a common factor for many women who play hard to get. She may worry that if she allows you to get too close too fast she’ll be the only one to develop feelings. By keeping you at arm’s length while she toys with you, it gives her time to figure out if you’re the real deal or just another guy who’s going to break her heart. Women may seem to be playing hard to get when they are actually unaware they are doing so. Insecurities and past hurts can make a woman incredibly wary when it comes to men, so you may just need time to get her to open up and trust you.


Whether it’s true or not, women believe men want a woman of mystery. She may have read in a book, or heard from a trusted friend (maybe even been taught by her mother) that men are interested in intriguing, fascinating women who keep them guessing. Girls might look at celebrities like Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie and think surely those women had to have played hard to get, right? So while you’re furiously trying to figure this chick out, she’s just trying to give you what she thinks you want.


Some women take the word “game” in dating game way too seriously. Everything is a game to them; from the pick-up to the flirting, sex to the dramatic break-up. If you meet a girl and she goes from needy to neurotic all in one date, she may just be having fun at your expense. She may also think it adds spice to the beginning stages of a relationship, or creates sparks of interest where there previously were none. Our advice? Too much work; just move on.


Another common reason a woman may play hard to get is because she thinks it will make you more interested in her. She thinks if she falls all over herself because of your attention, it will make her seem needy or clingy, or like every other woman in your past. She may also believe you will love or cherish her more when you finally get her. A woman who is playing hard to get for these reasons is setting the stage for a long-term relationship, so if you’re not really into her, don’t waste your time.

For whatever reason a woman plays hard to get, it can be very challenging to get her to give up. But if you really like the girl, take your time to wear down her defenses, outmanuever her hard-to-get tactics, and win her love.

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Last modified on Thursday, 03 February 2011 01:48

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