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Pick Up Lines You Should Definitely Avoid

On a recent trip to Ft Lauderdale, this author met a lot of guys. Some of them were quite good looking, but unfortunately once they opened their mouths ... well. A few of the following pickup lines are inspired by ones I actually heard - and I can guarantee they aren’t a turn on!

 

The age of the pick up line is SO over. Dudes. We women are actually allowed to use our brains now, and a bad pun, a line from a country song, or an invitation to drop to our knees and service you in front of God and everybody just isn’t really going to ring our bell.

Look. We know you’re nervous. We are too! But don’t let that nervousness or longing to look cool and machismo in front of your friends lead to saying something that makes you end up back at your table brushing the rest of our drink off your shirt. Trust us - we would much prefer a “Hi, my name is ---… can I buy you a drink?” than ANY of the following.

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" Oh, please. I highly doubt that worked in the seventies when the Bellamy Brothers stole the idea from Groucho Marx, and it’s not gonna work now, either.

“Is it hot in here, or is it just you?” Blaaaaat. Wrong again. We’re not a bright light designed to make you sweaty. A simple “You’re gorgeous!” would be preferable.

“That outfit looks great - but it would look even better on the floor of my apartment!” This is just a bare step up from “Nice shoes - let’s f**k!” Come on. Can you give a compliment without turning it into a blatant come-on? Where’s the romance?

Please for the love of all that is holy do not lick your finger, wipe it on our dress, and say “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes, hmm?” while suggestively waggling your eyebrows. DUDE. You just put SPIT on us. We are already wondering how fast we can get it to the dry cleaner’s.

My personal favorite - the original Ft Lauderdale pick up line. No, it does not work. Do not try this at home. Seriously. “I don’t have anywhere to sleep tonight… can I come back and sleep in your hotel?” Right, dude. Because the “Poor me, I’m homeless” schtick is soooo attractive. Especially after you just finished telling me how much your watch cost and how you live on a yacht. (I hope the idiotic schmucks (three of them!) who tried this one on me and my gal-pals during our recent beach vacation read this and cringe in shame…)

So what does work? You’d be surprised, but an honest smile and an introduction goes a long way. Raunchy innuendo just makes us feel like you think we’re cheap two bit hookers - and that definitely doesn’t get us in the mood. Try donning your best grin and just telling us your name, for starters, and for god’s sake buy us a drink already!

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These pickup lines are guaranteed to get you slapped
Last modified on Wednesday, 03 October 2012 18:27

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